How to figure out why your hottest DM conversations go cold
You're solving too fast, listening too little - and it's killing your best conversations
Alex stood in her kitchen at 7 AM, staring at her coffee maker's blinking red light. She'd done the same thing for six months: add water, put in the filter, press the button. Perfect coffee every time.
Today? Nothing.
She pressed the button again. Still nothing. The machine looked fine and sounded normal, but no coffee was coming out.
"Maybe it needs more water," she said, filling it up again. Still nothing.
After 15 minutes of checking everything – water, filter, power – Alex finally saw something tiny: the filter wasn't sitting right. A tiny gap was stopping the whole thing from working.
The smallest problem had broken everything.
As her coffee finally started brewing, her phone buzzed. A message from David, someone who'd been talking to her about working together for two weeks.
Their conversation had been amazing. He'd shared real problems about growing his business, asked great questions, and seemed excited about potentially hiring her.
Then, 3 days ago, he just... stopped responding.
Looking at their messages, Alex felt the same confusion she'd just had with her coffee maker. Everything looked normal, but something had clearly gone wrong.
She just couldn't figure out what.
What Went Wrong
That evening, Alex decided to figure out David's silence the same way she'd fixed her coffee maker: look at everything step by step instead of just guessing.
She printed out their entire conversation and spread it across her dining table like a detective.
Reading through everything in order, Alex noticed something she'd missed when it was happening. The conversation had been going great until one specific moment.
David had written:
"This sounds exactly like what I need. I've been struggling with up-and-down income for months."
Alex had responded with:
"I completely understand that challenge! Let me share how my program addresses exactly that issue..."
Then she'd written 3 paragraphs explaining her coaching methods, program structure, and what usually happens with clients.
David's next message was much shorter: "That sounds really comprehensive. Let me think about this."
After that? Nothing.
Reading it again, Alex realized her mistake. David had shared something personal about struggling with inconsistent money. Instead of asking more about that struggle, she'd immediately jumped into explaining her solution.
She'd turned a human moment into a sales pitch.
The Simple Fix
Alex realized she needed a simple system to avoid this mistake. She decided to modify my ACT method to figure out where she went wrong.
🔹 Acknowledge
Did she acknowledge their specific situation before offering solutions?
🔹 Connect
Did she ask follow-up questions about their feelings before explaining how she could help?
🔹 Trigger
Did her messages make them want to share more, or make them feel pressured to decide?
How to Fix Dead Conversations
Here's how to figure out what went wrong in your stalled conversations:
Step 1: Find the Breaking Point
Print or screenshot the entire conversation. Find the exact moment when their responses got shorter or stopped.
Step 2: Spot the Personal Moments
Look for messages where they shared problems, frustrations, or personal information. These are critical moments.
Step 3: Check Your Response
Look at how you responded to each personal moment. Did you ask more questions about their situation or immediately start explaining your solutions?
Step 4: Count Questions vs. Statements
Count how many questions you asked versus how many statements you made. Conversations die when you make too many statements.
Step 5: Check for Pressure
Find any messages that might have made them feel like they needed to respond, decide, or commit before they were ready.
Step 6: Plan Your Comeback
Based on what you found, write a message that addresses the exact point where things went wrong.
From Dead to Alive
Using this system on David's conversation, Alex wrote a restart message that addressed exactly where things had broken down:
"Hey David – I've been thinking about what you said about struggling with up-and-down income. I realize I jumped into explaining my program before really understanding what that looks like for you day-to-day. What's been the hardest part about not knowing what your income will be each month?"
David responded within two hours:
"Thank you for asking that. Honestly, the hardest part isn't even the money – it's the constant worry. I can't make plans, can't feel secure, can't even enjoy the good months because I'm always worried the next one will be terrible."
The conversation that had died from too much solution-talk came back to life through genuine curiosity about his experience.
Three weeks later, David hired Alex, specifically saying he'd chosen her because she "actually cared about understanding my situation instead of just pitching solutions."
This approach helped her revive 7 other dead conversations over the following month.
But more importantly, it helped her prevent conversations from dying in the first place.
She learned that most conversations don't die from lack of interest – they die from bad timing. When people share personal struggles, they're not asking for solutions.
They're asking to be seen and understood.
The smallest mistake in timing can kill an entire conversation, just like that tiny gap in her coffee filter.
Sometimes the best conversations go cold not because people lost interest, but because we lost connection.
The fix isn't just better solutions – it's better listening.
Today’s Mega-Prompt: "The DM Autopsy"
The convo was warm. The vibe was right. Then… silence.
This prompt shows you why they ghosted - and gives you the perfect message to bring it back to life.
Inside today’s prompt, paid members get access to:
✔ A breakdown of what caused the stall (tone? timing? too soon?)
✔ A rewritten message that feels human - not like a follow-up
✔ A usage tip + reflection question to prevent it from happening again