How to stop pushing people away in the DMs when you think you’re being helpful

You’re not being ignored because they’re not interested, you’re just skipping the part that makes them feel seen.

The smell of freshly ground coffee beans hung in the air as Alex tapped her foot impatiently. Three people ahead of her. Two. One. Finally.

"I'll have a…" Alex began, leaning slightly toward the barista whose name tag read 'Miguel.'

"Medium oat milk latte with an extra shot," interrupted a voice from her right. A man in a charcoal suit materialized beside her, phone pressed to his ear, not even looking at Miguel as he rattled off his order.

Miguel's eyes… which had briefly met Alex's… shifted immediately to the man. His fingers moved to the touchscreen, tapping in the intruder's order as if Alex had suddenly turned invisible.

The heat that rushed to Alex's cheeks wasn't from the steam wands. It was that familiar feeling of being dismissed and diminished.

"Excuse me," she said, her voice smaller than intended. Neither Miguel nor the suit noticed.

Three hours later, Alex sat cross-legged on her living room floor, laptop balanced on her knees, scrolling through her Instagram notifications.

63 new followers this week.
37 comments on her latest carousel.
22 direct messages waiting for responses.

She clicked on the first unread message:

"Your content about being genuine in marketing really spoke to me. I've been struggling with feeling fake in my copy."

Alex's fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to type her standard questions:

Have you tried implementing a content strategy before? What's your biggest challenge right now?

But something stopped her. The coffee shop moment flashed in her mind, that feeling of being unseen, unacknowledged.

Was she about to do the exact same thing to this person?

With a jolt of recognition, Alex pulled her hands away from the keyboard. She'd been responding to potential clients the same way that man had ordered his coffee, focused entirely on her own agenda, blind to the person actually standing in front of her.

Lost in the Line

Alex's Instagram following had grown to over 40,000 in the past year. Her engagement metrics were the envy of her mastermind group. Her content about authentic marketing strategies regularly went mini-viral within her niche.

Yet, when she looked at her actual conversion numbers, something wasn't adding up. Her DM conversations rarely turned into sales calls, and even less frequently into paying clients.

One evening, determined to understand why, Alex exported 3 months of her Instagram DM history and printed them out. She spread the papers across her dining table and started highlighting patterns with different colored markers.

A pattern emerged almost immediately… so glaring in its obviousness once she could see it laid out before her:

Potential client:

"Love your content about authentic marketing! Do you have any resources on this?"

Alex:

"Thanks! Have you tried implementing a content strategy before? What's your biggest challenge right now?"

And then... nothing. Conversation over.

Alex picked up another transcript:

Potential client:

"Your carousel about finding your voice really hit home. I'm struggling with this exact issue."

Alex:

"Thanks for reaching out! What specific roadblocks are you hitting with your content right now?"

Again. No response.

But then she found the exceptions… the conversations that had led to booked calls.

In almost every successful convo, she noticed something different in her approach. On days when she wasn't rushing, when she was fully present, she had naturally acknowledged the person first, genuinely recognizing their specific situation before jumping to her agenda.

Those conversations had converted to calls up to 70% more often.

With the papers still spread around her, Alex slumped back in her chair.

The irony wasn't lost on her. She'd built an entire brand around authentic connection, yet she'd been treating her DMs like an assembly line.

First Name Basis

A solution came to mind based on her coffee shop experience. She began implementing my dead-simple "Conscious Acknowledgment Framework" in her DMs… doubling her booked calls from DMs in just 2 weeks.

My Conscious Acknowledgment Framework

Step 1: Notice What They Actually Did
Take 5 seconds to notice exactly how the person reached out to you.

Did they comment on your post about client attraction? Did they respond to your story about morning routines? Did they request your freebie about content creation?

Why this works: People can tell when you're actually paying attention to them versus sending a generic response. When you notice specific details about how they engaged with you, they feel seen as a real person, not just another lead.

Step 2: Mention The Specific Thing They Did
Start your response by mentioning the exact action they took. "Thanks for grabbing my DM template!" or "I noticed you commented on my post about client attraction strategies!"

Why this works: This immediate acknowledgment makes people feel like you're actually talking to them, not just copy-pasting responses. It creates an instant "oh, they see me" moment that builds trust from the first message.

Step 3: Echo Back Their Main Interest
In your own words, briefly repeat back the main thing they seemed interested in. If they mentioned struggling with client attraction, say something like "Finding consistent clients can be really frustrating, especially when..."

Why this works: When you repeat someone's concern in your own words, they instantly feel understood. It's like when your friend says "I get exactly what you mean" - it creates an immediate connection.

Step 4: Only Then Ask Your Question
After you've properly acknowledged them, then (and only then) move forward with your question or next step.

Why this works: Once someone feels seen and understood, they're much more likely to engage with your questions. It's like holding the door open before asking someone to walk through it - you're creating a natural pathway for them to follow.

The 72-Hour Acknowledgment Challenge (Try This Today)

What you'll need:

• A solid understanding of the 4-step Conscious Acknowledgment Framework

• Active social media accounts with DMs

• Tracking method (simple tally in Notes app will do)

Steps:

1. For the next 72 hours, commit to responding to EVERY direct message using the Conscious Acknowledgment Framework

2. Before hitting send on each response, double-check that you've included all 4 steps:
   🔹 Notice what they actually did
   🔹 Mention the specific thing they did
   🔹 Echo back their main interest
   🔹 Only then ask your question

3. Track three metrics:

   🔹 Number of messages you responded to using the framework
   🔹 Number of people who replied to your new acknowledgment-first approach
   🔹 How the conversation quality changed (subjective assessment)

4. At the end of the 72 hours, review your results and note any patterns

This simple 72-hour challenge will help you build the acknowledgment habit and see how this small shift can transform your DM conversations and connection rate.

The Remembered Customer

Two weeks after implementing this approach, Alex pushed open the door to the same coffee shop, the bell jingling above her. The morning rush had subsided, and only two people stood in line ahead of her.

When she reached the counter, Miguel looked up from the register and his eyes lit with recognition.

"Hey…. Alex, right? The oat milk cappuccino?"

Something fluttered in her chest.

"You remembered," she said, unable to hide her surprise.

"Of course," Miguel replied, already reaching for a cup. "How's your morning going so far?"

That simple acknowledgment transformed the entire interaction.

As she waited for her perfectly made cappuccino, Alex's phone buzzed with a notification. Another DM response. The third that morning from someone who had initially reached out weeks ago, but never replied to her follow-up questions.

Now they were responding to her acknowledgment-first approach, sharing details about their business struggles, and asking about her offer.

Alex smiled as Miguel called her name and slid her coffee across the counter. She had 3 sales calls scheduled for that afternoon - all from conversations that had started with nothing more than genuine acknowledgment.

The simplest shifts often create the most profound differences.

In your DM conversations, acknowledgment isn't just politeness… it's the foundation of what eventually makes real conversions happen.

Today’s Mega-Prompt: "The 72-Hour DM Conversion Sprint"

If your DMs aren’t turning into calls, the problem isn’t your offer… it’s how you’re starting the conversation. Today, you’ll fix that in 72 hours or less.

This mega-prompt gives paid members a complete system for spotting and correcting the most common DM mistakes high-ticket coaches make: skipping acknowledgment and jumping straight into pitch mode.

You’ll analyze your real convos, rewrite your responses using my 4-step Conscious Acknowledgment Framework, and get clear messaging scripts that turn warm interest into booked calls.

Paid members get exclusive access to a mega-prompt that delivers:

✔ A breakdown of your top 3 acknowledgment blind spots that hurt conversions
✔ Personalized DM scripts that follow the 4-step acknowledgment-first formula
✔ 3 curiosity-driven re-engagement messages to revive stalled conversations
✔ A simple method to track message performance over 72 hours