How to stop sounding like a telemarketer in your DMs
The "say their name" advice is killing your credibility with high-ticket buyers
You’re three messages into a promising DM conversation with a potential client.
They’ve been responsive.
Asked good questions.
Seemed genuinely interested.
Then you follow the advice from every sales course… sprinkle their name throughout the conversation.
→ “Jennifer, I totally get what you’re saying about your current pricing structure...”
→ “That’s a great question, Jennifer...”
→ “Jennifer, based on what you’ve shared...”
Suddenly, silence.
Jennifer didn’t lose interest.
You’re just running a script you learned from a 1987 cassette tape about business communication.
Every sales course tells you the same thing:
“Use their name. People love hearing their own name.”
That advice worked when business communication was FORMAL.
Letters. Faxes. Typed memos where “Dear Robert” was breaking the ice.
DMs aren’t formal. You’re already in their PHONE.
Acting like you need to remind them who they are every 3rd sentence doesn’t build trust… but rather reveals you learned to sell from outdated training.
Today, I’m sharing the 3 uncomfortable truths about name usage that will actually help you convert high-ticket prospects who see through every scripted move.
Why names signal recognition, not connection… and overusing them proves you’re performing, not present
Why real personalization references their situation, not their label
Why high-ticket buyers respect competence over cordiality.
Let’s fix your DM conversations before you lose another promising lead...
3 Truths About Name Usage That Actually Convert
Most coaches focus so much on being friendly that they forgot to be human.
Here’s what actually works:
1️⃣ Truth #1: Names Are Recognition Tools, Not Relationship Tools
Their name gets their ATTENTION. It doesn’t create CONNECTION.
What This Actually Looks Like:
You’re scrolling Instagram at 9 PM, zoning out after a long day. Someone comments on your post: “Hey Sarah… quick question about what you just shared.”
You snap to attention. Your name pulled you from distraction.
That’s what names do.
They’re a tap on the shoulder.
A pattern interrupt.
But here’s where coaches mess it up… thinking if 1 tap works, then 6 taps must work even better.
❌ The Wrong Approach:
“Sarah, I really think you’d benefit from this approach, Sarah. What I’ve found with clients like you, Sarah, is that when they implement these strategies...”
This doesn’t make Sarah feel special. It makes her feel like you’re trying to hypnotize her.
🤦🏾♀️ What High-Ticket Buyers Actually Think:
When you overuse their name, they don’t think “Wow, they really care about me.”
They think: “This person is following a script. Wonder which sales course they took?”
✅ The Right Approach:
Say their name once. Maybe at the beginning to grab attention:
“Hey Jordan, I noticed what you said about...”
Then drop it entirely.
If you’re already having a back-and-forth conversation, repeatedly using their name signals you’re following a SCRIPT, not having a dialogue.
Why This Matters:
Names are labels. Connection comes from understanding.
When you reference their specific situation instead of just saying their name, you prove you’re actually listening, not performing a technique you learned.
Three Ways to Fix This Immediately:
Opening messages only: Use their name once in the first message, then not again unless you’re re-engaging after silence
Mid-conversation awareness: If you catch yourself about to type their name, stop and ask: “Am I saying this because it’s natural, or because I think I should?”
The read-aloud test: Read your message out loud. If it sounds like you’re trying to hypnotize them with their own name, rewrite it
2️⃣ Truth #2: Personalization Is About Context, Not Labels
What This Actually Looks Like:
Two coaches both message you about your recent post on pricing struggles.
→ Coach A writes: “Jennifer, I saw your post and it really resonated. Jennifer, I’ve worked with so many coaches in your position, Jennifer, and what I’ve found is...”
→ Coach B writes: “I noticed you mentioned losing prospects when you share your price before they see the value. That gap between ‘sounds interesting’ and ‘shut up and take my money’ is where most coaches bleed revenue. What’s usually happening in your conversations right before the price question comes up?”
Which one makes you feel seen?
✅ Real personalization sounds like:
“You mentioned you’re getting ghosted after sharing your price...”
“When you said you’ve tried templates but they feel off...”
“Based on what you shared about your launch timeline...”
❌ Fake personalization sounds like:
“Jennifer, I totally understand where you’re coming from, Jennifer.”
“Michael, that’s a great question, Michael.”
See the difference? One references their SITUATION. The other just says their name.
Why This Matters:
High-ticket buyers don’t need to hear their name to know you’re talking to them. They’re literally the only other person in the conversation.
They DO need to know you understand their specific problem well enough to help them solve it.
What Coaches Get Wrong:
They think personalization means:
Using someone’s name
Mentioning their recent post
Referencing their industry
Actual personalization means:
Understanding their specific challenge
Recognizing patterns in their situation
Connecting dots they haven’t connected yet
Three Ways to Implement Real Personalization:
Replace name mentions with situation references: Instead of “Sarah, I think this would work for you,” try “Based on what you shared about your current client onboarding process...”
Quote them back to them: “You said something interesting… that you feel like you’re giving away too much for free. That usually means...”
Connect their situation to patterns: “What you’re describing is exactly what happens when coaches skip the qualification step in their DM conversations...”
3️⃣ Truth #3: You’re Using Names to Fill the Gaps Where Expertise Should Go
What This Actually Looks Like:
You’re about to make an important point in the DM conversation.
You want them to really hear this next part.
So you type: “Sarah, this is really important...”
What You Think You’re Doing:
Getting their attention. Showing you care. Making it personal.
What You’re Actually Revealing:
You’re not confident enough in what you’re about to say, so you’re using their name as a crutch.
The Confidence Gap:
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: Coaches reach for names in the exact moments they should be reaching for expertise.
Watch where names cluster in your conversations:
Right before making your main point (because you’re nervous they won’t pay attention)
When transitioning to the offer (because you’re uncomfortable moving from free to paid)
After they ask a challenging question (because you need a second to think)
When you sense the conversation cooling (because you’re trying to re-engage through friendliness instead of value)
Every “Jennifer” is a missed opportunity to demonstrate you know what you’re talking about.
What High-Ticket Buyers Actually Notice:
When you say: “Sarah, I think what would really help you is...”
They hear: “I’m not certain this next point is strong enough on its own, so I’m trying to butter you up first.”
When you say: “What you’re describing is the exact gap that shows up when coaches optimize for content engagement but don’t have a conversation system...”
They think: “Okay, this person actually knows what they’re seeing.”
The Real Function of Name Overuse:
You’re not using their name to connect with them.
You’re using it to calm YOUR nervousness.
It’s the conversational equivalent of “um” or “you know” or “like.”
It’s a pause-filler that signals uncertainty about what comes next.
Three Moments to Eliminate Name Usage:
Moment #1: Before Important Points
Don’t say: “Jennifer, this is what I think is happening...”
Say: “What’s actually happening here is a timing issue—you’re delivering value in content but transitioning to paid conversations too late in the awareness cycle.”
The strength of your observation makes the point land. Their name weakens it.
Moment #2: During the Offer Transition
Don’t say: “So Sarah, based on everything we’ve talked about, I think my program would be perfect for you...”
Say: “Based on what you shared about losing prospects at the pricing conversation, there are three structural fixes that would close that revenue gap. We cover all three in the first week of the program.”
Go straight to the value. The awkward name-drop before the pitch just highlights that you’re pitching.
Moment #3: When Re-engaging After Silence
Don’t say: “Hey Michael! Just wanted to circle back on our conversation...”
Say: “Been thinking about what you said regarding your follow-up sequence. Most coaches miss the micro-commitment between ‘that’s interesting’ and ‘send me the details’—which is why 70% of warm leads go cold. There’s a fix for this that takes about 15 minutes to implement.”
You re-engage with value, not with friendliness.
Why This Matters:
When you stop using names as confidence crutches, you’re forced to strengthen what you’re actually saying.
Your messages become more specific.
Your insights become sharper.
Your value becomes undeniable.
The prospect doesn’t notice you stopped saying their name.
They just notice you suddenly sound like someone who actually knows how to solve their problem.
The Implementation Test:
For your next 5 DM conversations, catch yourself every time you’re about to type their name.
Before you do, ask: “Am I saying their name because this moment needs it, or because I’m nervous about what comes next?”
If it’s nervousness, delete the name and strengthen what you’re about to say instead.
Watch what happens to your response rates when your expertise does the talking instead of their name.
TL;DR
Stop treating names like magic words.
Your prospects don’t need you to remind them who they are. They need you to prove you understand what they’re dealing with.
The coaches booking calls aren’t the ones sprinkling names like fairy dust throughout their messages.
They’re the ones demonstrating such specific understanding of the problem that their prospect thinks: “Finally! Someone who actually gets it.”
Your Turn
Take your most recent DM template and replace one generic phrase with a specific scenario your prospect has probably experienced.
Not their name repeated three times.
Their actual situation, described so precisely they think you’ve been reading their mind.
That’s what converts.
You’re not boring… but your messages are.
When every DM feels templated (even when it’s not), prospects disengage.
Today’s paid member mega-prompt helps you audit your entire conversation style for “sales script patterns” - including overuse of names - and rewrite your approach to sound like two humans talking, not someone performing a technique.
Paid members get:
✔ Deep analysis of your DM conversation patterns
✔ Authenticity score (1-10) for your messaging style
✔ Complete rewrite that proves understanding through context, not name repetition
✔ Specific patterns to eliminate that scream “I learned this from a sales course”
✔ Framework for staying present in conversations instead of performing
• ChatGPT Version → Copy-paste friendly. Clean text format you can drop straight into ChatGPT.
• Claude Version → XML structured. Optimized for Claude (and other models that follow tags closely) so the output stays tight and consistent.
• Automation-Ready Version → JSON format. Built for builders who want to plug AI outputs into workflows like Zapier, n8n, Airtable, or APIs.