The silent watcher DM problem (and what to do about it)
(3 messages that start convos without the cringe)
You’ve been circling the same networking event for 20 minutes, holding a drink you stopped tasting ten minutes ago.
She’s right there. The exact person you came to meet.
You could walk up. Introduce yourself. Say literally anything.
But what’s your opener?
“Hi, I love your work”? Generic.
“Can I ask you a question”? About what?
“I’ve been following you for a while”? Weird.
So you just... watch. Waiting for the perfect moment.
She checks her phone. Grabs her coat. Heads for the door.
Gone.
You completely missed your moment.
Your phone buzzes on the drive home. Another story view notification.
Same person. Seventh story this week.
They’ve watched everything you’ve posted.
The behind-the-scenes of your client call. Your take on that industry news. The carousel you spent three hours on.
Seven stories. Zero messages.
And suddenly you realize… they’re at their own networking event right now.
Circling. Watching. Unable to figure out how to start.
Today, I’m sharing the 3 curiosity-led messages that start conversations with silent watchers without making either of you feel weird.
→ Why the “I noticed you’ve been watching...” approach kills conversations before they start
→ The permission problem that keeps engaged followers from ever becoming leads
→ How to open a door without kicking it down
Let’s fix your silent watcher problem...
3 Silent Watcher Mistakes That Kill Conversations Before They Start
Most coaches make these errors without realizing they’re doing it.
Here’s what’s actually happening when your engaged followers never reach out:
1️⃣ The Guilt Opener
It’s 9:47 PM.
You’ve been staring at your analytics dashboard for twenty minutes. Same pattern. Story views climbing. Engagement flat.
That one person who watches everything but says nothing.
You type: “Hey! I noticed you’ve been watching my stories lately...”
Delete. Too stalker-y.
“Hey! I see you’ve been engaging with my content...”
Delete. Sounds like a LinkedIn pitch.
“I noticed you’ve been following along...”
You send it before you can second-guess yourself again.
Three days later. Read receipt. No response.
Here’s what went wrong:
You called them out.
You made them feel watched instead of welcomed.
Even though your intention was connection, the message landed like “I’ve been tracking your behavior and I’d like to discuss it.”
Nobody wants to explain why they’ve been watching someone’s stories.
It’s like asking someone at a party why they’ve been standing near the snack table. The answer is obvious and the question makes it weird.
What works instead:
Reference the content, not their viewing behavior. Make them feel smart for paying attention, not caught for lurking.
❌ Before: “Hey! I noticed you’ve been watching my stories about client retention...”
✅ After: “Quick question - you work with service businesses, right? That retention strategy I posted about yesterday has a weird exception for your industry. Curious if you’ve run into it.”
Why it works:
→ You acknowledge shared context without surveillance language
→ You position them as an expert worth asking
→ You create genuine curiosity, not obligation to respond
Implementation:
→ Never reference viewing/watching/following behavior
→ Focus on the content itself, not their consumption of it
→ Ask something they’d actually want to answer
2️⃣ The Introduction Wall
You finally work up the nerve to message a silent watcher.
But you’re not sure they know who you really are. So you play it safe.
“Hey! I’m Sarah, I’m a business coach who helps service providers scale past 6-figures. I specialize in systems and automation. I noticed you might be in a similar space and thought I’d reach out to introduce myself and see if there’s any way we might be able to support each other. I’d love to learn more about what you do!”
Eighty-three words before a single question about them.
They’ve been watching your stories for three weeks. They’ve seen your face, heard your voice, know your takes on at least seven different topics.
They already know who you are.
You don’t introduce yourself to someone you’ve been talking to for a month.
So why are you doing it in DMs?
What works instead:
Skip the introduction entirely. Start like you’re already in conversation.
Because functionally, you are.
❌ Before: “Hey! I’m Sarah, I’m a business coach who helps...”
✅ After: “That post you liked about pricing - were you dealing with the same thing with your clients?”
Why it works:
→ Assumes familiarity because familiarity exists
→ Treats them like someone worth talking to, not pitching at
→ Opens a conversation they can actually respond to without writing an essay
Implementation:
→ Delete any sentence that starts with “I’m [name], I...”
→ Reference something specific they engaged with
→ Ask one question. One. Not three wrapped in politeness.
3️⃣ The Value Dump
You’ve heard the advice. Lead with value. Give before you ask.
So you send your silent watcher a wall of text.
Three paragraphs about a strategy. A voice note breaking down a framework. A link to your latest resource. A follow-up asking if they found it helpful.
Silence.
Value without context is noise.
When someone hasn’t told you what they’re struggling with, sending a solution feels like a doctor prescribing medication before asking what hurts.
Your silent watchers aren’t silent because they need more information.
They’re silent because they haven’t been given a low-stakes way to engage.
What works instead:
Ask something small. Something easy to answer. Something that doesn’t require them to reveal their deepest business struggles to a stranger.
❌ Before: “Here’s a framework I think could help you with your content strategy...”
✅ After: “Random question - when you’re creating content, do you batch it all at once or spread it out? I keep going back and forth.”
Why it works:
→ Low stakes means low resistance
→ Positions you as someone figuring things out too, not an expert descending from on high
→ Opens dialogue that can naturally deepen without pressure
Implementation:
→ First message should be answerable in one sentence
→ Ask about their experience, not their problems
→ Save the value dump for when they’ve asked for it
That’s it.
Here’s what you learned today:
→ Referencing someone’s viewing behavior makes them feel surveilled, not welcomed
→ Introducing yourself to someone who already knows you creates awkward distance
→ Value without context lands as noise, not help
Your silent watchers aren’t cold leads. They’re warm leads frozen by the absence of a comfortable entry point.
Pick a silent watcher from your story views (or likes) today.
Send them a single question about something you posted.
No introduction. No value pitch. Just a question they’d actually want to answer.
Coming at 6pm today:
You now know what to say.
But you can’t manually message every silent watcher in your audience.
Tonight, I’m sharing the 4-message automation sequence that warms them up while you sleep.
→ The story trigger that starts conversations automatically
→ The exact timing between messages (get this wrong and you’re spam)
→ When the robot stops and the human takes over
Same inbox. Zero extra hours.
Watch for it at 6pm.
Ready to turn silent watchers into actual conversations?
You’re not invisible. Your content isn’t bad.
But your first messages are freezing people out.
Today’s paid member mega-prompt helps you generate three natural conversation starters for any silent watcher based on what they actually engaged with.
Paid members get:
✔ 3 non-weird openers customized to that specific engagement
✔ Variations for curious, playful, and direct approaches
✔ The exact psychology behind why each one works
